Nothing inspires me to write quite like anger. And nothing makes me angrier than assholes.
As we all know, assholes are a particular breed of human being that lack empathy, decency, and any semblance of social consciousness. The narcissistic, self-centered nature of an asshole allows him to make decisions based solely on how the outcome will affect him, other people be damned.
There is a broad spectrum of assholes that populate the planet, ranging from the least harmful (but still annoying) to the genuinely heartless. Unfortunately, the latter were on full display this past Monday. And in the wake of the tragic terrorist bombing that took place at the Boston Marathon, American citizens are searching for answers. They want to know how someone could carry out such unspeakable acts. How can things like this happen?
Things like this happen because of assholes.
Another tragedy caused by another asshole.
When the cowards responsible for the bloodshed and loss of life in Boston are eventually apprehended, I’m quite sure they will justify their actions by associating themselves with some righteous cause. They will probably reveal their inspiration to be a religious text or some badly written manifesto. But make no mistake about it: no matter what world view they subscribe to, these people are not soldiers or martyrs or prophets. They are not revolutionaries or agents of socio-political change. They are simply assholes.
People have used the term “evil” to describe the douchebags responsible for this crime. I don’t particularly care for this adjective because it comes across as otherworldly. It calls to mind some powerfully disturbed genius, manically twisting his mustache like a villain in a Disney movie. It implies, in some mythical sense, that the souls of these dickwads were preordained at birth to bestow death and misery upon the innocent masses. But we know in our heart of hearts that this is not the case. These jackasses were not born with a singular, wicked destiny. They had choices just like the rest of us. And at some point, they made a conscious choice to be an asshole. And not just any asshole, but that very special variety of asshole that thinks it’s okay to kill people.
At least the world has non-assholes, like NFL lineman Joe Andruzzi.
Unfortunately, we cannot rid the world of assholes, no matter how hard we try. Assholes have been screwing things up since the dawn of human history and they will continue to wreak havoc until the end of time. This is what they do. And they will never stop.
The best we can hope for is to outshine them whenever we can. This goodness was on full display in the immediate aftermath of the Boston Marathon bombing; decent human beings instinctively acting in ways that were the polar opposite of the radical douchebaggery that led to the tragedy. People aided the wounded, sheltered those with no place to go, and volunteered to give blood. Those not in the immediate vicinity sent their thoughts and prayers from hundreds of miles away and continue to show their love and support in any way they can.
We will never win a decisive victory in the global war on assholes, but we can continue to be better than them. And in the end, I suppose that’s pretty damn good.
Mr. Sunshine 