Not So Superman

Many, many months ago when the trailer for the film Man of Steel hit the internet, people within my various social networks were whipped into a tizzy. While some were giddy at the idea of a new Superman movie, most seemed disgruntled by what they saw. Some decried the obvious Biblical metaphors that were present while others complained about the moral ambiguity that seemed to lace this preview.

“Superman can’t have doubts about who he is or what he does? He’s all good, all the time. He’s not a morally ambiguous asshole like Batman!”

I thought these dogmatic nerds were being a bit shortsighted in their concerns. Superman is whoever we want him to be. Like so many other mythological figures, his persona and thematic significance evolves with the times, which is a good thing. Why would we want our cultural heroes projecting morals and values from a bygone era?

Unsurprisingly, when the movie came out, many of these same people panned the film. I made the mistake of interpreting their judgment as sour grapes; simply a comic book crowd who disliked the fact that their childhood hero was something they didn’t want him to be.

Well, this weekend I finally got around to watching Man of Steel for myself.

Oh boy.

To be fair, I don’t believe the film’s failings reside in the thematic issues present in the trailer. In fact, the best scenes in the movie are when a young, confused Clark Kent struggles with who he is and who his earthly father thinks he may become. Unfortunately, the film takes a turn for the worse once an older, nomadic Kent learns his true history and dons his iconic red cape. That’s when the movie goes from a sort of cosmic coming of age story to a loud, over the top piece of disaster porn.

It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s… lots of computer animation!

It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s… lots of computer animation!

I don’t want to waste too many words describing General Zod’s plot to turn Earth into a nouveau Krypton, but I’ll simply say that lots of shit gets blown up and a sizable dent is placed in the world’s population, or, at the very least, the population of Metropolis and Smallville. In fact, after one battle sequence between Superman, two of Zod’s henchmen, and the U.S. military, I’m pretty sure there are only about 17 residents left alive in Clark Kent’s hometown. (A fact that seems to have little emotional impact on the film or the people in the film.)

All of this brings me to my grumpy old man point of the day… which is I think CGI is killing the sci-fi/super hero genres. Sure, in some cases this rich technology brings to life worlds and characters that could not have existed on film thirty years ago. But at what cost? Well, it certainly seems to be at the expense of plot and story. Kal-el may have come to a really profound understanding of his place in our world, but if he did, I couldn’t hear it over the sounds of explosions and crumbling infrastructure.

In hindsight (admittedly, my favorite kind of sight) the original Superman movie is compelling for two reasons: 1.) The cast was superb and charming (even the bad guys), and 2.) the story was much better developed, probably because they couldn’t rely on special effects as much back then. Sure, they were able to hang Christopher Reeve in front of a green screen (a revolutionary development at the time), but they couldn’t even think about turning Metropolis into a post-apocalyptic hellscape (which is basically what the city looks like by the end of Man of Steel), so instead, they relied on acting, directing and screenwriting. What a concept.

At the end of the first Superman, our hero has made his journey and becomes a fully formed citizen of our planet. Not because he saves the world (which he does with an assist from Miss Teschmacher), but because he falls in love and realizes the pain that sometimes accompanies that very human emotion. Of course, in the end the lesson was undercut somewhat by the ridiculous “fly around the world to turn back time and save Lois” device which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense… but I digress. The point is they made a very, very good movie without employing pointlessly long fight scenes between opponents who are basically indestructible as long as they bask in the rays of our sun.

Superman circa 1978 - less muscles, more character.

Superman circa 1978 — less property damage, more character.

Jaws was a great movie because they couldn’t get the shark to work right. The original Star Wars Trilogy was brilliant because they had to develop rich characters rather than cartoon everything up. And the original Superman was great because it worked around the limited technology of the day. They needed to tell their stories in more conventional ways.

Of course, special effects aren’t all bad, and in the past twenty years there have been some great movies that utilized computer technology to enhance a great script. In the past decade we’ve had great takes on classic comic book characters like Batman, Spider-man, and the X-MenBut it seems we’ve exited that era and are now increasingly served digitally grandiose spectacles that are low on depth and high on orgiastic destruction. 

Fortunately, there are still plenty of great low tech films being produced so perhaps I should save my weekend evenings for that kind of entertainment.  

Looks like I have a lot of Meryl Streep movies in my future.

What’s Wrong with America: Aging Action Heroes Edition

Anyone remember 1984? It’s okay if you don’t. It was a long time ago. Ronald Reagan was the POTUS, we were locked in a Cold War with the Soviets, and Eddie Murphy was funny. Boy, how times have changed.

It was also the year Arnold Schwarzenegger became a Hollywood A-lister with the success of The Terminator. It was in this James Cameron sci-fi masterpiece that Arnie first uttered his now famous catchphrase:

I’ll be back.

How prophetic those three words turned out to be. Because this week we learned that the former body builder turned actor turned politician turned philanderer turned actor is donning the leather jacket and becoming a cyborg once again. That’s right, he’s making Terminator 5. I don’t know much about the plot of the film, but I look forward to learning why the newest version of the T-800 looks wrinkly and old. Perhaps there’s a shortage of faux human skin in the future.

It's all fun and games until someone breaks a hip.

It’s all fun and games until someone breaks a hip.

Unfortunately, the Governator is not alone. There’s no shortage of aging action heroes gracing the silver screen these days. These past few weeks I’ve been bombarded with ads announcing the upcoming release of yet another Die Hard movie and Stallone is back (of course) with his latest opus, Bullet to the Head. (Side Note: Call me a bleeding heart, latte sipping liberal who hates liberty, but given the gun related tragedies that have plagued our nation in recent years, perhaps the auteurs responsible for this cinematic gem could’ve come up with a slightly more tasteful title.)

Am I the only one who feels like these films are the Hollywood equivalent of watching Willie Mays stumble around the outfield in Shea Stadium?

I’ve certainly ranted about this before. Maybe my recent angst is related to the fact that these former Planet Hollywood owners insist on squeezing every dime out of franchises that ceased being relevant back in my virginal years. And even when they’re not reliving the glory days of those iconic characters, they’re doing films that seem like relics from a bygone era.

Bill Murray is one of the actors I deeply respect. You know why? Because he evolved. Because he grew up. Because he could’ve spent the last 30 years playing that lovable, wise-cracking jokester we all loved, but chose not to. He branched out. He tried new things. And it worked. Sure there were some duds (I’m looking your direction Osmosis Jones and Garfield), but all-in-all a fantastic, well-rounded career. In fact, when Dan Aykroyd tried to get the band back together for Ghostbusters 3, Murray not only bowed out, he alleged read the script and replied, “No one wants to pay money to see fat, old men chasing ghosts!”

Tru dat, Mr. Murray.

Who you gonna call? Probably a doctor.

Who you gonna call? Probably the nearest doctor.

Look, there was a time and place for these formulaic action movies just like there was a time and place for David Lee Roth to wear ass-less chaps. But that time has passed. And watching old dogs do the same trick over and over again isn’t fun. It’s sad.

Now step aside old men so we can watch more movies about vampires and zombies.